Oxmcr69xo's Blog
that fucking boy
sorry guys!!!!!!!!!1
sorry i havent been on i just got off grounding so ill probably be on a lot more but in the mean time I LOVE YOU/
xoxox
READ THIS...... why i havent been on
i bet youre wondering why i havent been on. well its because ive been grounded for failing 3 classes on my report card. and i just wanted to let you all know that i lvoe you to death and im sorry i havent been on. i really am. but i gotta go now because im still grounded and i snuck on but yeah i love yous!!
BYE
under pressure [i promise] chapter 8 {FINALLY}
+++++++++++note: hey guys sorry it took so long to post but here it is. the beginning is kind of graphic but oh well. comments and buzzes are appreciated and loved! XD++++++++++
He grabbed me and we violently started making out. A few minutes had passed and i found myself laying down on the blanket with frank on top of me. I felt him working at my shirt so i helped him out and took it off, and his as well. We went back to our roughly passionate kiss and i wrapped my legs around his waist. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and i felt his hands working at my clothes again. only this time it was my jeans.
"Kristin, are you sure you want to do this?" Frank asked me breathlessly. I shook my head 'yes'. It seems as soon as i shook my head, Ray showed up wide eyed.
"Umm... Im sorry!" he said quickly and ran away. he reminded me of a little kid who just walked in on his parents. Frank got off of me and muttered under his breath,
"way to ruin the moment." I gave a nervous laugh and pulled my shirt back on.
"Frank do you know what time it is?" I asked as i watched him put his shirt back on. He looked at the watch on his wrist.
"1:43" He said. i stood up and so did he. We went around and blewout the candles.
"Are we just gonna leave all this here?" I asked him. He simply shook his head 'yes' and grabbed my hand.
"Wanna race back to the others?" He asked smiling.
God i love his smile. He makes me feel so god damned safe.
"Whats the deal with you and races?!" I asked jokingly and he shrugged his shoulders.
"GO!!!!!" he shouted and started running.
"NOT FAIR!!!!" I yelled after him and started running as well. We ran all the way back around the lake. Frank won, of course. Cheater :P
When we got to the others , they all looked at us with such cheesy grins.
"What!?" Frank said, and their smiles got wider. "Nothing happened! " he said.
"Suuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrreeeeee!" Vee said hugging Ray.
"No im serious! Nothing happened! Ray had to come and ruin it!" frank said laughing and so did i. he took my hand again.
"Well umm it was nice meeting you all but i really have to go home." i said.
"IM WALKING YOU!" frank said automatically. "So bye guys, were leaving." he stuck his tongue out at ray and we turned around. He waved 'bye' to them with the hand that wasnt occupied by mine. , "So did you have fun" he said as we started walking back down the road.
"Yeah" i said quietly, "Did you?"
"Yeah" he said and stopped suddenly, "Get on my back" he said
"Why?!" i asked laughing.
"Cause i want to give you a piggy back ride!" he said happily. So i walked behind him and jumped on his back. He grabbed my legs so i wouldnt fall and he started walking.
"So does this mean that.. that were together?" i asked, finally releasing the amount of pressure that had built up. I couldnt stand not knowing what almost happened between us and how it would affect our friendship.
"Do you want to be?" He asked hitching me higher up on his back.
I wasnt expecting himto say that. god what do i say what do i say?? YES of course. damn youve been waiting for this forever!
"Umm.. Do you want to be?" I asked nervously. Afraid and yet anxious to hear his answer.
"Yes. Yes i want us to be together. I have for a while now" frank said. getting quieter towards the last part. my heart cought in my throat.
And again something i wasnt expecting. oh my god. Ive waoted for this for 2 years. Oh i hope this isnt a dream.
"ok" i said trying to hidew the fact that i was smiling. I guess i couldnt pull it off.
"Why are you giggeling?!" he asked, half laughing himself. "Is it something i said?!" he laughed again. i squeezed my arms around him.
"No..its just that.... that ummmm ummm well i feel the same way." we both laughed. By this time we were pretty close to my house.
"Umm Frank?" i said, "Can i get down now?" i laughed
"AHa! yes ma'am!" he said letting me down. He took my hand and we started walking towards my house that was now coming into view.
When we got to the trellace i said, "You dont have to climb up there with me" motioning to the roof.
"Well i want to" he said smiling.i sighed
"OK but be quiet" i started climbing and when i got to the top he started climbing. When we were both on the porch roof we slowly walked ovr to my bedroom window. my window was still closed. still the way i left it... good. but yet again i felt the same horrible pressure creep up on me . i dont know why i was always so scared and anxious but i started shking.
frank noticed and said "Kristin whats wrong?" he sounded worried but i didnt know how to tell him about the pressure. so i just shook my head.
"Nothing" i said trying to sound convincing, "im just cold" we finally got to my windowand i opened it. Frank watched as i climbed in. it made me feel awkward.
when i got inside i turned around and looked at him. he was smiling.
wow i cant get over how much i love his smile. i wonder why he was always so shy. i sighed. hes so amazing.
"Thank you my night in shining armor, for rescuing me from my hell hole tonight" i whispered with a small laughed. he laughed too.
"You are quite welcome my dear" he said and kissed me through the window. just like before.
i hope this lasts forever. my head screamed , but i knew it wouldnt. this has happened before. i found someone i loved and they got ripped away from me.i dont want a repeat of josh. yet at the same time thats exactly what i want.
we broke apart and i said, "good night hun." he kissed my cheekand said 'good night'. he turned around and silently walked back towards the trellace. he turned around, waved to me, and then slowly climbed down. i sighed yet again, only this time with a smile on my face. i closed my window and shut my curtains. i went and layed down on my bed. i slowly drifted off to sleep and my horrible nightmares took over once again.
you guys i dont mean to scare you but.......... O.O
as you ALL know since the day you met me i was in love with frank iero but well now ummm IM CURED! im not utterly obsessed with him anymore! you may not believe it but yes it tis true. and i will be removing the stuff about him from my buzznet and myspace acoounts. and i dont think i will be continuing on with my recent fan fiction. :( i still love my chemical romance but now my love is spread equally. ^_^ music is still my life but i dont live to meet him anymore! haha meeting mcr and frank used to be my only reason to live but now i have more! arent ya proud?!?! and im glad to say that ive succesfully quit smoking for 2 weeks now. its hard as hell but i manage. but yeah i just thought i should inform you of my non obsession.
Kristin
1*25*07 [ugh]
weeeeeeeelllllll today was kinda good kinda bad. good news is i quit smoking XD bad news is i was gonna kill myself. but first the smoking thing... i quit because i have recently not foun it fun and it is a waste of lung power. and i think theat there are extremely better ways of kiloling and slowly poisoning yourself. now onto the suicidal thoughts... my best friend bryana told me that the guy she liked said i was a slut and i had aids and it made me feel so bad because everyone says that im a whore and stuff and im really not! i hate being alive when thats all people say about me! ugh i just broke down crying and i wrote my deperate suicide letters to seperate people but after i wrote them i felt better and decided not to go through with it. other than that nothign interesting happened. except i over slept this morning. well thanks for having the patience to read all this!! XD
[Forget about the dirty looks. The photographs your boyfriend took.]
oXo_Kristino_Xo
Under Pressure [I Promise] Chapter 7
"Oh my god Frankie!!" I said. I was shocked. I really wasn't expecting this, "It's so..so..beautiful!"
"I'm glad you like it." he said wrapping his arms around my waist,"Let's go sit." He led me over to the blanket and we sat down. facing each other, his eyes bearing into mine.
"Thank you for encouraging me to come out here with you." I said shyly.
"No problem. Hey, well i brought you here to ask you something" He said and my heart leape, "Kristin...ummm...ummm.. would you do me te honor of being my girlfriend??" he asked quietly. he seemed afraid.
"Hmmm. Let me think about it" i said. his face fell, "Yes" i said hugging him. I sat there in his arms for a few minutes and we rocked back and forth to the sound of the water from the lake. I felt all of my built up pressure slowly drift away. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep as well. Thoughts clouded my mind.
wow this day couldnt have gotten any better. i know if i get caught, im dead. but i meant what i said. it really was worth it just to be with him.
After that i entered dreamland. Well not so much a dream, but a nightmare.
I was laying in bed. Nice and snug. Thinking of frankie, my sweet frankie. My room was pitch black. I was smiling in the darkness. When all of a sudden my bedroom door burst open. I couldnt see who it was due to the darkness, but there was a red glow surrounding the figure. I pulled the covers over my head.
"Who is it?" I asked shaking. I felt the of so farmiliar pressure building up on me again. The covers were torn off me. I screamed. No one came. I didnt think there was anyone else. The features of the figure were slowly soming into focus. Dirty blonde/ brown hair, glasses. I gasped and shrunk against the wall next to my bed....
"Hey sweetheart" he said grinning wickedly, "I'm back. " I felt tears prickel my eyes........
"Josh."
I was being shaken. I could feel it. I woke up and Frank was looking down at me. He looked so worried and pale.
"Kristin? Are you okay?" He asked. He looked as if he were on the verge of tears.
"Y...Yeah" I stuttered, "What happened?" I sat up.
"I dont know. You fell asleep so i layed you down but then you started shaking and you screamed a few seconds before i woke you up." A tear rolled down his cheek. This is the fragile boy I fell in love with. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Its okay sweetie." I whispered into his ear. He layed his head on my shoulder and I felt his tears moisten my t-shirt.
"I know but I was so scared for you" he said sobbing. His voice muffeled in my clothes. I pulled away and looked at his tear stanied cheeks. I wiped away the wetness.
"I love you" I said looking him square in the eye.
"I love you too" He replied. I leaned towards him and gently kissed him. I pulled away yet again. We looked into each others eyes. All of a sudden he grabbed me and roughly pressed his lips against mine. I opened my mought, as did he. Our tongues batteled fiercly for a few minutes. The kiss deepened and got rougher. I didnt care, it was amazing, but i wanted more. WE pulled apart at the same time. We looked each other eyes again. I saw the intensity, the passion. He wanted the same thing that I did.
i feel oh so hollow...
im begging to feel. to feel anything. i cant even cry. i have no emotions anymore. no love. no hate. no sorrow. theyre all gone. it feels like someone cut me open and ripped my guts out. like i said. hollow. why does this feeling come? why does it haunt me? the end is so boring and so plain that it hurts. yet i long for it to come. but why? why do i grasp for the end? why do i cling onto that tiny shred of hope that it will all be over soon. well as soon as it can be. i love the pain. the blood. but now i feel nothing. hollow. shutting my eyes for a final time is something that i so long and wish to do. that is, if my eyes are even open. or if i have eyes. hollow. blackness. when will it stop? the feeling of pressure. pressure everyday. of saying the right thing and putting on that fake smile that everyone has come to love. ha love. what a joke. i feel it no more. hollow. so empty and bare. so naked. i feel nothing. no remorse. but i know ill live forever. and watch this world go by. no recollection of what happened in the past. nothing to have and feelings for. im so fucking hollow.
[Ive told you time and time again, you sing the words but dont know what it means.]
written for: travis, andrew, frank, my mom, melissa, and more. you all went through my mind when i was writing this. i dont know why. but i really do feel... hollow.
© krisitn buskirk. 1.21.07 2:17 p.m
MY BUZZNET LOVELIES
OK first i love you ALL so SO much and you are great!!! Second i want to thank you ALL for helping me with my problems, and i am always glad to help you and [the point of this journal] whatever you need help with please tell me because i love helping you. SERIOUSLY i do. and if you ever need to call me then ask for my number. i will give it to you. i really wish i could hang out with you guys but you'd find me annoying.. lol... really you would lol anyway i seriously love you all. and i dont believe in love so go figure lol but anyways you are all my lovelies [hence the title]. im always here for you ALWAYS. and i dont know what else to say!!! but really if you need to call me then ask for my number or something. i just feel like i havent told you i love you, and now i have so im outtie [haha thats tehe first time ive ever said that word].
i lovers you
[Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?]
oXo_Kristin_oXo
i hate..................... [1.18.07]
people that just randomly hate me.
i hate people that hate me because of the music i listen to or the clothes i wear.
i hate people that label me.
i hate people that dont talk to me over myspace even though they add me.
i hate people that hate me because im bi.
i hate people that hate my friends.
I hate people that try to change me.
i hate people that hate me.
i have no respect for cheerleaders.
i have no respect for porn stars.
i have no respect for sluts.
i have no respect for people who call me a slut.
i have no respect for Mr Kello
i have no respect for hipocrits[sp]
i love people who speak their mind
i love people who have reasons for disliking stuff
i love my eyeliner
i love my friends
i love music
i love My chemical romance
i love frank anthony iero
i love thinking about depressing stuff
i love roses
i love my buzznet girls most of em all
i wouldnt be here without music
i wouldnt be here without my friends
i wouldnt be here without ICP
i wouldnt be here without my chemical romance
i wouldnt be here without my poetry
i wouldnt be here without my mom
i wouldnt be here without my guitar
i wouldnt be here without my buzznet girls
and i love all of those who have helped me with all of my shit.
thank you i love you and i love that you took the time to read this.
thank you.
i need a cigarette. ugh
[For all the dirty looks. The photgraphs your boyfriend took.]
oXo_Kristin_oXo
